Life often proves that Karma is in fact a bitch.
I started telling jokes when I first learned how cruel kids could be. I have always had a weight problem, and having to wear glasses to read the board never got me any dates to Chuk-E-Cheese. Being able to make fun of myself first was always an advantage. FINALLY, I get to have everyone on my team instead of those few others on the opponents team. Unfortunately that was not always the case. There was still one girl who thought she was better than me, and she was.
What her stupid name is- I can barely remember. I could however remember her stupid face, with her stupid ass ratty braid she would always wear for our basketball games. We played the same position yet had absolutely nothing in common. She was a starter, i was a bench warmer. I would barely get to play and when i did she was the first to poke fun at my horrendous 2 minutes of court time. “Hey at least you got to touch the ball.” and the famous “Good luck getting any court time, I will let you know when i get tired and need some water, bench warmer.” She was super cute! I loved when she would yell those sweet things at me, it would really encourage me to have dreams of punching her face into a bloody mess and chest passing the ball into her knucklehead. During practice the coach would get us losers to play the starters for a full court game in order to either sharpen our benchwarming skills or to make us feel like the worlds sweatiest jock straps in front of everyone watching- i really still can’t decide between the 2.
A year later and ‘Queen Full Court Press’ was out of my life, and i got to step onto the throne as “Queen Defensive Player Of The Year”. Now as a reader you are probably asking yourself wel l’what happened to that bitch?’. In addition to the great skill she possessed as Center of our highschool basketball team and extraordinary talent as a bully, she apparently also had a knack for unprotected hood rat sex at an early age.
Thanks to teen pregnancy, I had an amazing season as the ‘Center’ for the Mustangs.
Hopefully her full time job at Sedanos was able to put her little brat through college.
Often times as humans we self analyze ourselves into a deep and dark depression. Looking in the mirror is sometimes very painful, and we are ALWAYS our number one hater. I believe that this very common behavior resorts in our hatred toward others. Always knowing that you are never the best, never the greatest, never #1. This forces us to take enjoyment in the pain of others, especially if they have one (or in many cases several) advantage(s) against you. In my particular case cellulite, more respectively the kind that dwells on the “naturally” thin female. To me its a “Take That,God!” kind of thing. Yeah man was created in your image and sometimes that image has curds beneath their thigh skin.
Of course this is my standing metaphor for this blog, a schadenfreude so to speak.
Let’s celebrate the fact that “Skinny Girls Have Cellulite Too”.